We love to run employee engagement surveys, because we love to be part of the exciting changes that so often follow the process. But that’s not the only reason we like employee surveys; we also like to read through the open-ended responses to the questions.

Here are our Top 10 Employee Engagement Survey Responses, some hilarious, some painful, and some downright puzzling. Enjoy.
We asked the question: What could this company do to become more effective?

  1. “Give me the weekends off so that I can go to parties and dances.”
  2. “We used to be a family, now no one trusts anyone anymore. My team members steal jobs and one impersonated me on the phone.”
  3. “Don’t be friends during work hours.”
  4. “If a few managers took a chill pill.”
  5. “I would like to talk to the managers just to see where I am in the company. And let me dye my hair green.”
  6. “Everything is all good in the hood.”
  7. “Fire half the staff and replace them with trained monkeys.”
  8. “Hats…we’re not in the public eye, why again aren’t we allowed to wear them?”
  9. “I would love some little straws for hot chocolate on the 3rd floor break room.”
  10. “There is a sighting of Ghosts in aisle 1. It is really freaking us out.

DecisionWise Employee Engagement Survey

Measure the most important factors that drive employee engagement and performance.